Here we go again...

And it seems like everything has settled, for now at lest. Dont get me wrong, there is always the thought in the back of my mind that things could change again, but right now, everything seems exactly like it was a few months ago, which is such a good thing. Ive been through quite a lot in the last few weeks, ive fallen out with some of my closest friends, been completely blanked by someone in my family i was desperately trying to get in touch with, and lost my boyfriend. One week without him made me realise what he is to me. He and i both realised how much we mean to each other, how much we need each other, and now, this second time, i want this to work.

I dont go back on my word, ever. Im still so in love with tom, i have been since october last year. When we went on a break for a week it was the stragest feeling ever. Being so close to someone, for nine whole months, knowing everything they did on a daily basis, found out how they were, spent as much time as possible together, never argued. And then we went on a break and it was all gone, no endless phonecalls, no texts to see how i was or what time to meet up, no meeting up and just hanging out, no contact. It was surreal. For some reason i ended up going out loads, and so did he actually. I ended up drinking more and more untill i got to the stage where everything was a blur and it took away some of the pain for a few hours, although he was always there at the back of my mind, even though i knew he shouldnt be, we could have quite easily never got back together. I talked to so many people who said "you can do better" but i beg to differ, as much as me and tom are complete opposites, we like totally different things, disagree about things from morals to film quotes, its perfect. I felt lost without him, thats the thing with love you see, once its there it hurts like a bitch when it could all be lost.

The smile painted onto your face for hours on end, for no reason,
The look in a mans eyes just after he's been shot through the heart,
The lust you give into when your alone with them,
The pain of not having something you crave, like withdrawal symptoms from a drug,
The look in thier eyes when they see you and you see them, the sparkle they give you,
The anger and jealousy towards other people they spend time with,
The comfort of being in thier arms, feeling at home and yourself,
Pain and happiness congealed into one, shown through everything, your smile, your laughter, your tears, your stance, your walk, your eyes...
Thats love.